Davenport Run - Saturday July 13, 2024

Join the Norcal Minis club for an epic drive from San Jose through the scenic Santa Cruz Mountains! Enjoy stunning vistas and wine tasting a...

The MINI No Doors

Sniff Patrol discusses a recent announcement of the MINI No Doors hardtop:
Mini has added to its range of two, three and four doors cars this week with a brand new model which features absolutely no way of gaining access to the interior at all.

‘The Mini No Doors is the result of analysing research feedback,’ said Mini boss Hans Kneesun-Boompsidaisy. ‘We already make cars for people who want a hatchback or coupe or convertible. When our data said customers wanted a car that made them do some sick in their mouths, we created the Paceman. But we have never tackled people who, when questioned, said they did not want to drive a Mini at all. Until now. With the Mini No Doors there is a Mini for people who do not want to get into or drive a Mini. Because they literally can’t. It has no doors.’

The Mini No Doors uses an expanded version of the latest hatchback platform boating an extra 15mm of headroom that you cannot use and an additional 72mm of legroom which Mini says you can ‘clearly see whilst looking through the windows and imagining what it would be like to get inside the car. Which you can’t because it has no doors.’

‘Anyone buying a Mini No Doors will decide where they would like it delivered and it will be craned into position,’ Mr Kneesun-Boompsidaisy explained. ‘And of course, like any Mini they can personalise the car with a huge range of options including leather seats they cannot sit on and upgraded hi-fi they will struggle to hear. But not doors. You cannot have doors.’

‘This is a great example of Mini pursuing new niches,’ said automotive analyst Thurston Knid, speaking at the Mini No Doors’ official revealing. ‘In this case, a niche for people who don’t want to get into their… Oh my God, there’s a man in there! There’s a man trapped inside the car! Someone, quick! Get help! Argh! Why are you dragging me away…’