AskPatty.com, "Automotive Advice for Women," came up with these ten ways to get out of a speeding ticket. However, I've been told by police officers that these simply will not work. Then, again, I've never purposely wet myself:
1. Make it Look Like You had an "Accident"
If you have a bottle of water in your car, or if you're really desperate and only have a soda, pouring a bit “down there” to make it look like you didn't make it to the bathroom in time might make the officer feel bad enough that they will let you off with a warning.
2. Cry
If you get pulled over, turn on the water works. Cops are human beings too, and they hate to see women cry—especially male cops. Bawl your eyes out and work on getting a sympathy warning. If you’ve ever been accused of being a “drama queen,” this tip is right up your alley.
3. Flirt
Ladies, try batting your eyes at the officer and maybe he will be so distracted he won't remember why he pulled you over. Trust me, it works.
4. Lie Through Your Teeth
Try the "my husband's been in an accident and I need to get to the hospital but first I need to drop off some toys at the local orphanage" excuse. It’s a long shot, but if you’re a good actress it might work.
5. Ask Nicely for a Warning
Instead of offering up a lame excuse, simply asking the officer for a warning instead of a ticket might work. I'm guessing you would have a better chance of this one working if you were only going a little over the speed limit.
6. Tell the Truth
Sometimes honesty is the best policy. Maybe the officer will be so impressed with honesty that they will let you off with a warning.
7. Tell a Joke
This is a tricky tactic. Tell a joke that somehow offends the officer and you could be off to jail. Make the officer laugh, however, and you could get a free pass.
8. Try the "Tommy Boy" Tactic
In the movie Tommy Boy, Chris Farley and David Spade get pulled over after a little drinking, so Chris Farley jumps out of the car screaming "the bees, the bees!" to get out of a ticket. The cops are too worried about getting stung to get close enough to give them a ticket. Genius, huh?
9. Are You a Jedi?
Ever have one of those days where you're driving and whenever you come up to a red light you tell it to turn green and it does? Well my friend, maybe you have some of the force in you. If so, you can simply manipulate the mind of the officer to get out of a ticket. Before you go trying this on police officers, see if you can get the remote to your TV to come to you first.
10. Blame the Car
When the officer asks how fast you were going, tell them you're not sure, your speedometer is broken. This excuse can be tricky since you're admitting to not knowing how fast you were going (and that your vehicle needs repair) but you can try to down play that fact with something like "I was just keeping up with the flow of traffic."
